Advertisement

Diary of a Bad Gardener


Dear Diary, Tuesday, January 3, 2006

I’m soooo excited that I can hardly breathe!! Spring is almost here!! I can feel it in my very, very cold toesies, even through my warm, fluffy raccoon foot duvets. (No, no, diary, I would never ever use raccoon fur to line my foot duvets. The duvets are decorated to look like raccoons, complete with tails. It’s as if Davy Crockett got into the corn mash and started wearing his caps on his feet.)

Anyway, with spring just around the corner, it’s time to germinate seeds in the basement. I plan to spend the afternoon pushing away boxes to see if I can find the basement door. Wish me luck!

Dear Diary, Thursday, January 5, 2006
I discovered something important yesterday (besides the basement door). The reason I couldn’t breathe on Tuesday had something to do with keeping my fluffy, raccoon foot duvets on my feet since Christmas. They’re now airing out in the basement with my soon-to-be-germinating seeds! I’m soooo excited! But now I can breathe, too.

Dear Diary, Friday, January 13, 2006
Oooooh, it’s Friday the 13th! But my baby seedlings don’t care. They’re so adorable that I couldn’t help pinching a couple of baby eggplants. Then I was sad because I accidentally pinched off their cotyledons. I guess Friday the 13th wasn’t so lucky for them. I will try to control myself in the future. But I’m still soooo excited! Soon spring will be here and I’ll be putting my sweet babies in the garden. I can’t wait, I can’t wait, I can’t wait!

P.S. Oops, dropped a mirror. Hope that’s not a problem, ha, ha!

Dear Diary, Friday, February 10, 2006
I’m soooo sorry that I haven’t written to you in four weeks. Life has been very hard, especially for my little seedling babies in the basement. Who knew how fragile they were! If you miss just a week of watering, boy, do they let you know about it! Mostly by drooping and dying, though some of them bounce back (kind of). And then,

if you try to water them too much, they do the same thing! Make up your mind! Do you want it dry or wet!? They also seem to be getting, well, a little stringy. My little babies need to be in the outside light, born free, playing free! Oh, spring, where are you?

Darn Diary, Wednesday, February 15, 2006
I’m starting to get just a little irritated with the weather. Yesterday afternoon I went outside to start preparing the garden soil for my ever-stringier babies in the basement (they’re starting to look like miniature green basketball players). Not only was it rock hard, but one of my fluffy

raccoon foot duvets froze solid to the ground. I had to slip my foot out and hop back to the house. I’m so miserable. Where, oh, where are you, spring? Have you gone someplace else, like to Detroit? Please come back!

Dumb Diary, Thursday, February 23, 2006
Disaster!! Somebody left the basement window open. The sight was horrific, like finding Captain Robert F. Scott at the South Pole, except without the dog sleds. Not only that, but I looked out the window and something attacked my fluffy raccoon foot duvet in the garden. Poor fluffy raccoon foot duvet! I hate you, spring! No, no, I didn’t say that!! See, I’ve crossed it out! Oh, please don’t punish me, spring!

Whatever, Wednesday, March 1, 2006
My life is over. I do truly hate you, spring, and this time I’m not taking it back! I put all five surviving really, really, really stringy seedlings out in the garden. I didn’t care how cold it was because I trusted you. I didn’t think you would let those poor, stringy babies down. I thought that if you saw them shivering in the cold you would come. But I was wrong!! I will never trust you again. My heart now belongs to summer. Take that, spring! Summer won’t let me down. Summer will come tomorrow if I just ask. You watch! I’ll be lying on the lawn in my Speedo tomorrow, and summer will be there, right on cue.

P.S. Whoever finds this diary, please throw it in the compost pile.

categories

Lincoln Park Zoo Advertisement

popular

Article Thumbnail
Features
Summer-Blooming Bulbs

Last spring my sister called to say that she had found a wonderful new anemone to add to her collection in a mixed flower …


Article Thumbnail
Columns
Tough Love

The day we brought her home from the nursery, we were the proudest parents on the block. We hadn’t always wanted one.


Article Thumbnail
Blog
Butterflies in February?

On a sunny winter day a few years ago, I strolled into our Palos-area garden looking for signs of snowdrops


Article Thumbnail
Columns
Plant Identification Flow Chart

A comical plant identification flow chart from our columnist, Mike Nowak.


Article Thumbnail
Columns
Read ‘em and Weep

January (and February and December...oh, and add November to that list...and you might as well throw in March, just to complete


questions

What is the largest tree that one can plant? We are trying to replace some 7- to 8-foot trees that were recently destroyed.

I have some peonies that I want to transplant but cannot plant them in their permanent place until next spring when our new house will be built. Can I dig them now and transplant them again next spring?

I dislike staking perennials. Is there anything I can do to avoid it?

ChicagolandGardening Advertisement