If you could only see your face right now (take a selfie and after you wallow in the horror of your expression, send me a copy). You turned to this page, just knowing that I had run out of Christmas carols to parody and that – for once! – your holiday season wouldn’t be ruined by these tunes – and my insipid lyrics to them – running like an out of control Cuisinart in your brain. Well, turn on the blender, kids, ’cause here we go again.
As usual, I disavow any connection to the rest of this column. Not only was I not conscious when I wrote it (and who says I did, huh?), you can’t prove that 1) I have a computer, 2) I know how to use it, and 3) I know how to speak Christmas. That’s what I call an air tight case.
Now you’ll excuse me while I wipe my hard drive clean. Sing!
People ask me why, year after inexplicable year, I continue to crank out these bizarre little lyrics for the holidays. Normally, I nod and smile and ignore the question. But when it’s your shrink who is pleading for an answer, uh … let’s just say that I said I would think it over, but, gee, I’m on deadline and I’ll talk to you next week.
I’m not sure that counts as an answer. I’ll let you know next year.
Marley was dead: to begin with. There is no doubt whatever about that. I had done the deed myself...
It seems that I’m either easily amazed or not fazed at all by new information. If you were to tell me that science ...
The ultimate definition of an optimist may very well be a person who looks out at a mass of brown, smushed foliage; twisted ...
Cantigny’s Project New Leaf has been all the buzz in the gardening community. I recently had the opportunity to tour the grounds
Last summer, I had the pleasure of strolling through Cantigny Park in Wheaton, where the floral displays are always spectacular.